Planning for a Remarkable Life

As I continue to seek balance between (crazily) focusing on "getting a head start on school stuff" (see previous posts) vs. getting calm and centered and rejuevenated before school begins, I believe I may have found a path....

UNCLUTTERER: Having it All...

This amazing blog just might salve to kook in me that wants to do school stuff everyday AND the part of me that knows I absolutely must take a breath and pull away from school so I will be ready for school.

Here's the bloggers plan for a "remarkable life":

1.Purge, downsize, and minimize

2.Organize what you CHOOSE to own and use (emphasis mine)

3.Commit to and maintain a streamlined routine for the mundane tasks of your life

4.Determine what matters most to you

5.Remind yourself that even if you live to be 100, life is short

6.Say no to what doesn't matter

7.Enjoy being industrious (again my emphasis)

8.Get rid of everything toxic in your life, because toxic is clutter

9.Live within your means (and I might add, try to get pleasure from it)

10.Take risks and be brazen

11. Get enough sleep (Hey, I'm 51, overweight, and perimenopausal.... sleep is the bomb.)

So over the next few weeks, I will explore the power and the pleasure of becoming Uncluttered. Will this be the preparation I need for a productive, uncluttered new year? We will see....

poems, sweet dreams, and thinking of school...

VaTech's own Nickki Giovanni's new book of love poems, Bicycles, has given me something calming and enjoyable to do as I MAKE myself settle in for the last few weeks of summer. I giggled when I read her ode to beer: I wish I liked beer. I see the ads with the happy people golden drops swimming dwn to quench that thirst....

And then I read this recommendation for sleeping away the last weeks of break. It may have been written with a lover in mind, but to me it speaks of my love for teaching and for my students:

My Sleep
by Nikki Giovanni

I appreciate my sleep
In sleep my conversation
is witty
My home is dusted
My office work
is up to date
the dog
is even
well behaved
And food is on the table
on time
But then
when I'm asleep
I don't have you
to clutter and confuse
My hungry heart

"I always forget how important the empty days are, how important it may be sometimes not to expect to produce anything, even a few lines in a journal. A day when one has not pushed oneself to the limit seems a damaged damaging day, a sinful day. Not so! The most valuable thing one can do for the psyche, occasionally, is to let it rest, wander, live in the changing light of a room."

- May Sarton
Journal of a Solitude

I have to keep this in mind as I lose precious moments of my summer break planning and preparing for fall. I move between honoring my time off from school, and taking each day to get ahead of the game...I just can't decide....

Blogging from PBS Training

Giving attention today and tomorrow to our efforts to create and tweak the Postive Behavior Support program at our school. While the self-contained ED classrooms have had great behavior programs for years now, our gen ed classes continue to face what teachers face in classrooms across the country: distractions caused by disruptive behavior impede academic success, office referrals skyrocket, and behaviors don't seem to improve. To interrupt this spiral, PBS seeks to reorient the learning environment from reactive punishment toward preventative programs that teach,reteach and reinforce appropriate behavior.

We need teachers to refocus their efforts on doing that which increases the probability that positive behaviors will be repeated.

Sounds logical; still, because poor behavior continues to dog our educational system, a whole cottage industry has developed to support school's reorientation toward this point.

My date with a representative from that group continues through tomorrow.

"Corridors of Shame"

“… There is no stronger weapon against inequality and no better path to opportunity than an education that can unlock a child’s God-given potential….Yet…there are overcrowded classrooms, crumbling schools, and corridors of shame in America filled with poor children-black, bown, and white alike.”

So President Obama reminded us in his speech to the NAACP last week. He knows that the obstacles that poor and minority students face in their own schools are an embarrassment for every American. He highlighted important reforms, including improved early learning programs, and focused teacher programs that promote excellence and send bad teachers packing. I applauded when I heard him describe these new law and policy changes; I smiled when he called for higher expectations for every child. “We need a new mindset, a new set of attitudes” to fight an “ internalized…sense of limitation.”

But I really joined the Amen chorus when he seemed to channel his inner tough talking Bill Cosby: We parents “must accept our own responsibilities. That means putting away the Xbox and putting our kids to bed at a reasonable hour. It means attending those parent-teacher conferences, reading to our kids, and helping them with their homework….Yes, government must be a force for equality. But ultimately, if we are to be true to our past, then we also have to seize our destiny, each and every day.”

Of course I see parents of all colors and creeds who, despite good intentions, fail to help their children “seize the day”. It’s easy to accept excuses for this neglect, but the president reminded us that if “John Lewis could brave Billy clubs to cross a bridge”, or if brave civil rights workers faced down death for what is right, then surely we can reform education. Surely we can muster family and community support for behaviors that lead to academic success.

The question then becomes: How will I motivate my students and their parents to adopt and embrace pro-school, pro-academic thinking? If only Obama’s words were enough.

More on this as the start of school gets closer…..

Summertime.. and the living is easy...

The power of summer break on this teacher’s soul cannot be overstated….

There is something magical about awakening naturally in the late morning hours (sans alarm clock), and lolling around in bed with my sweet dog Caye. I hold dear summer’s unhurried, blissful morning routine that does NOT include a frenzied trek across town in pre-dawn darkness; instead, I happily consider which mall to shop, which recipe to cook up, and which book to read. These weeks fill me up in a way that teaching and all its joys cannot. It’s a good thing too, or I might never make it back to the classroom each August.

What teacher does not yearn for summer’s respite when the testing gods bear down in late spring? When two or three of my most difficult kids are in tag-team crisis mode, I call on my memories of sun, sand, and a tropical cocktail to get me through. Reminders of an evening stroll along the boardwalk or down the garden path can soothe the mark left on my calf by an angry six year old.

But then, summer finally comes, and I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT SCHOOL!
I can’t stop dreaming about their sweet smiles. I mentally plan new “getting to know you” activities. I seek out new professional books and internet resources. I worry about what the kids are up to in these unstructured weeks. I check my school email once a day for no good reason.

I actually look forward to August.

For now, though, I’ll sip my mojito and reapply the sunscreen. Only 6 more weeks til school starts again.

Some weeks are more DESPERATE than others....

So I'm hoping and praying and planning for a calmer week. After getting 2 new kids in 2 weeks time, we are trying hard to settle in, but the challenges are formidable. Not to mention that the February Slump is soon upon us.

What's the February Slump, you ask? You know, that period of time between winter break and spring break, when the weather isn't yet inspiring, and it seems everyone gets alittle grumpy.

Check out www.Teachers.Net/Gazette ---go to Current Issue, then scroll down and find the snowman---to read more on my take...... I have a plan, now I just have to DO IT!!

Time enough for the mud to settle......

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arieses by itself?
LAO-TZO



Sometimes you hear that teaching requires the "patience of Job". Most people who say this seem to be referring to our ability to tolerate the particular problems of handling young people OR the institutionalized problems of education itself.But when I think of being patient, I have something else in mind.

It can take some children a very, very long time for some skills or concepts to develop.

I have to ask myself, am I less than a good teacher if my students'learning takes awhile?

It's certainly true that learning is unpredictable. It often doesn't make itself known in the specific time frame alotted in our concise teacher's editions. Moreover, I wonder if there mitigating circumstances to which we can point in order to excuse the length of time between confusion and mastery? Or am I just trying to rationalize away my incompetence? What's the point of hurrying through a list of specific lessons if I don't take the time my students' really need? But what of the consequences for moving too slowly?

As we settle into February and look ahead to high stakes testing, I am giving myself permission to slow down just a bit to make sure I am working in tandem with my students' needs, rather than against them. I vow to sit a bit and think hard about my techniques and supports, so that the time I do have is well spent. Mostly, I promise to honor the role of time in this complicated game called teaching. If it is necessary, I will wait until the "water is clear".

My Rose Colored Glasses.....

Well, THAT dark mood is gone (see previous post)....thank goodness.

Today I enjoyed a much more constructive mood, the kind of positivity that makes some folks wretch. I mean, I sometimes get flack for being TOO optimistic. Once, years ago, a woman I worked with actually glared at me one afternoon, then cursed at me for greeting her warmly as she returned from her lunch break. "I should only have to say hello nicely to you once a day! No need for all this smiling. What are you so happy about anyway??!!"

An IA I worked with a few years ago, an avowed morning hater, often snarled at me as I prepared for the day WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE!!

I can't help it. The prospect of meeting each of my kiddies every morning makes me happy. I have the gift of a "short memory", so I never really hold a grudge or swim around in my worry. Every day is another opportunity for a miracle.

Sometimes, that miracle is just making it through the day. And I'm okay with that.

But today, as four of us were leaving the building at day's end, we nearly growled our goodbyes at each other. That's what being emotionally depleted and physically exhausted will do to you.

Thank goodness we had 15 hours to get refreshed and ready for our next happy day together.

If only I could say.....

It's true: being the teacher of emotionally disabled children isn't all fun and games. Crises and chaos are always on the horizon. The high intensity work environment weighs hard on one's heart.Consequently, it takes special effort to keep from getting depressed or burnt out. As I've mentioned previously, I meditate some, pray alot, laugh about as much as possible with my commrades-in arm, and do things like write this blog. But sometimes, the dark clouds descend.

When I feel blue, I like to imagine what I'd say or do... if I weren't so professional, loving, and ultimately optimistic!! In fact, it would feel pretty darn good to say this stuff out loud:

"I wish someone would give you a good bubble bath, and get behind your ears and under your nails."


"I sometimes worry you'll grow up and come back to this school and slash my tires.... or worse."

"I worry your parents might do the same."

"At some point in your future, you'll pull up a memory of me, your first "big school" teacher; I only hope it's not while you are languishing in a jail cell. "

"I wish I could tell your abusive parents what I really think of them."

"I am saddened and appalled at how little my guidance and love has had on changing your day to day life."

Luckily the dark clouds are temporary, washed away most often by a child's hug or smile. There is no need to dwell on my worries. But it sure feels good to put them out there, to make real the honest emotions created when my day to day life is so doggedly rough and tumble.

Let's figure it out..... AND Thank you!!

Our challenge is to meet every kid's needs. It's a puzzle, of course, an often overwhelming task that has serious and long term consequences.

Today, our staff will be meeting in grade level teams to figure out one key to one part of the puzzle..... how are we going to support those kids who are not reading on grade level? How will we get them where they need to be?

We'll be analyzing some data about DRA testing done at the end of last year. We'll be sorting out those kids who are in need of remediation. We'll be ascertaining where our instruction has been weak and needs tweaking. We'll be concentrating on making changes that impact kids' learning tomorrow, and the rest of this year.

I hate a useless meeting, but I'm thinking that this one will provide me with information and guidance that will improve my instruction. I hope so, at least.

I'll keep you posted.

Until then, enjoy this photo from Virginia Tech's ThanK the World event held this weekend on the drillfield in Blacksburg. My family and I participated, and it was a heartfelt expression of our gratitude to all who prayed for and supported us during the April shootings and beyond.

A note of appreciation!

Tomorrow we lead teachers are throwing a little breakfast for our fabulous instructional assistants. Bagels, donuts, juice, etc..... not elegant, but we hope it says what we mean: we are so lucky to have you as our teaching partners.

Instructional assistants work really, really hard in our special program. They teach groups of children, implement (and help create) complicated behavior management systems, provide therapeutic support to kids in crisis.... It's a lot more than running copies and cutting out art project templates.

So here's to our IAs. Thank you for giving so much of yourself to our kids! Thank you for being so dedicated and hard working!!!

Thank you for being you!!

Okay, so I've been remiss..... again

I guess it's normal to go through periods of neglecting one's bloglife. Still, I hate seeing that September was the last time I gave this my attention. So let me refocus my goals and set to work on this, my next new beginning...

I continue to struggle with creating a behavior plan to support one of my favorite darlings. As a team, we decided some visual cueing was in order, so I did that. We're concentrating even more on preventative strategies, and consistent consequences, etc. I'm working hard to keep our relationship "trustworthy", that is, a relationship where he really comes to believe that I mean what I say and say what I mean.

The daily tumult continues. Sometimes this is a very tiring job.

Thank goodness I really really like this child!! It does help that I care for him and his family, and I believe they are trying too. Their effort counts for alot when I have to get up everyday and try to sort out the best way(s) to support a child in so much turmoil.

This week we will continue to tweak and revamp in hopes that we find just the right equation. No time for complaining or backpeddling or throwing up our arms in frustration. We will get this right.... if not this week, then eventually. And if not eventually, we'll find a setting more suitable, more effective for this child.

Cruising through the last two weeks.....

As I strongly suspected, I finally got myself and my classroom together. The kids are settling in, and the new IA is a lovely young woman with good instincts and a kind heart. My to-do list is usually not too long, and I am finding the time I need to do what needs to be done.

With only 4 kids so far (the fifth one never showed), we are teaching up a storm and the kids are eating it up. What a joy to plan for and teach kids who enjoy books and math and games and singing....

It's the sharing and the writing and the taking turns that freaks them out. It's keeping an even keel when every fiber of their being wants to scream and stomp and curse and lash out.

That's happening too, the lashing out, but we are managing with some grace and dignity.

So far, so good.

How will I ever catch up?

Boxes yet to unpack... files to refresh..... supplies to label and store....

Oh, and make sure each day is tantalizingly planned for....

This is my challenge. At 3:20 when the busses pull away, I am happily exhausted, and intend, with every last bit of energy, to catch-up.

I start with my lessons, because they deserve my best attention. By 4:45, I can't muster the wherewithall to do anything more, so things go undone. Until I get back here tomorrow morning at 7am and start all over.

Experience tells me it all will eventually get done. The little naggy voice inside of me complains about laziness and disorganization. I shrug, and choose to head home for my pre-dinner nap.

Sweet dreams.

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year....

I love this feeling. It's a mix of joyful anticipation and thoughtful resolve that I will do all I can to make this the best year ever. Unlike the silly feeling in my stomach that comes the night before Christmas, this excitement is both tempered and enhanced by the idea that I am in control of much of what will come my way.

I get to choose my reaction to every little bump in the road.

I get to ask for help when I need it, and help others when they need it.

I get to play with new ideas, continue what I know works, and keep on trying to learn more about being the most effective teacher I can be.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful job with wonderful people.

I'm a teacher, and I love it.

Too much....

We attended the Memorial Dedication Service at VaTech this afternoon. The weekend had been wonderful to that point, what with moving our Hokie Girl into her new apartment and helping her get settled for a new year. Thoughts of Reema and Erin were strong, and I asked to go by their old rooms in the dorm to pay my silent respects. Luckily, no current dorm residents were around, so we could pray a moment at each door, both grateful for their love and hopeful for the healing their families' still need to find.

The ceremony itself was just fine. The weight of sadness felt familiar, as did communal experience, the understanding that we were in this together.

Again, we were reminded that those lost left much undone, but had lived extraordinary lives nonetheless. We were called to continued service in their names.

And now comes word that another of my daughter's school friends is one of Tech kids' sickened by carbon monoxide in their apartment. She is on a respirator, we hear, receiving the best care available. We are praying for her and her family and all those affected by this useless tragedy.

This feels like too much.

It's starting... and it feels so good....

I've been into school twice over the last week to participate in staff interviews. When I walked in the door I was bowled over by the smells and sights of being back, and it was a very good feeling. This bodes well for the new year. At some point, some year, I guess I'll approach September with less enthusiasm and more dread. Then I'll know it's time to stop.


For now, I look forward to the kids' arrival and the close work ahead with my friends and colleagues.

For now.

On being a worthy model.....

It's a staple of good parenting, and of good teaching.... Be sure and model the behavior you want your kids to demonstrate.

So when teachers use sarcasm and bullying tactics to get their message across, how can we be surprised when these same kids are disrespectful and detached?

When we teachers seem bored with our lessons, when we lack passion and deep understanding of our discipline, how can we be surprised when our students' approach to learning is joyless?

It's a fundamental truth in my classroom: as I implore my students to work hard to stay in control - to choose more appropriate ways to handle their anger - I have to be vigilant as I deal with my own frustrations in the classroom. No yelling. No physical outbursts, no banging on a desk or slamming a door. No threatening. No blaming others.

It's no wonder I go home somedays and feel completely exhausted. Keeping my emotions in check when so much around me is chaotic is draining. Sometimes, at the end of the day, my voice is raspy and strained; not from raising my voice, but from working so hard to control it.

But it's much easier to sleep at night when I've been true to my goals. When I slip and get testy, I can forgive myself, but only if I promise to try harder. The kids deserve it, of course. And no matter how righteous it sounds, it is satifying to do what is good for kids.

We are Hokies....

Grief and worry has kept me away from this blog.

As the desperate nature of the shock has transformed into a dull ache, I have had no time or patience for doing anything more than what's necessary to get me and my daughter and family through.

We can pretend for parts of each day that everything is back to normal. I am blessed with the kind of job that keeps my mind busy, too busy to light on the thought of beautiful Reema. The pain in her mother's eyes. The pitiful sound my daughter makes as she calls out from her restless sleep. The picture of Erin on the cover of her funeral bulletin. The senseless loss of each of the 33.

If left unchecked, my mind drifts to memories of Reema and my girl flitting across the soccer fields and the dance floor, two scrawny little girls, waif like, but powerful in the way well-loved kids can be.

So I am checking out for awhile longer. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.